The Last Straw
by kuniklos
Summary: F/Mage/Hawke says goodbye to Anders after sparing his life and cutting ties. Meant to fill a dialogue/scene if F/Hawke was in a relationship with Anders, spared his life, but ended the relationship.


Meredith was dead. Orsino was dead. Kirkwall had undergone another disaster which was the result of a complete lack of compromise. However, this time there would not be a rebuilding nor a victory. This very day was the beginning of a war which would rape Free Marches for who knows how long.

Covered in blood and exhausted Mercia Hawke walked through the smoldering embers of the city. Baron, her mabari hound, kept pace with her, whining in her direction as if to discuss what occurred. Anders followed behind her with even more exhaustion in his limbs and a heart as heavy.

As Hawke approached her estate she saw the door was hanging from a single hinge, and some of her furniture was smashed on the street. She sighed heavily to herself as she approached the door and wiggled it in her hands. "Looters…wonderful."

"I'm sorry…" Anders offered. Hawke raised her hand to him for quiet. She wasn't sure she could even stand to look at him, or hear an apology one more time.

"Baron, could you get me Bodahn's tool kit if it's still here?" Baron sniffed in her direction and turned to search.

Hawke could no longer hear screaming from the streets and the sound of magic and metal. All she could hear were faint sobs. What the hell was she going to do now?

Baron trotted up to her and offered her a slightly charred tool kit. She smiled sadly at him and rubbed him gently between his ears. She took the kit from his mouth and placed a kiss on his furry cheek. "Go take a break, boy, you've earned it."

Anders flipped over a chair that was turned on its side and sat in it. He watched her go about the means to fix her front door. "I know this isn't the best time to talk about it…but, are you certain you won't come with me?" Hawke frowned deeply as she began to place nails into the door frame, and hammer them into place.

"I wouldn't be fixing this damn door if I planned on leaving, now would I?" She hit the nails a bit harder with the hammer than necessary, but finished very quickly. She closed the door and turned to Anders.

"Mercia, please reconsider. I know you spared my life because you love me. I'm grateful for that, but I need you more than ever now. The mages need you."

Hawke's face bore the etching of pain. "Anders, I want you to get whatever is left of your things, and I want you to use the key I gave you to leave the city." She turned away from him and began ascending the stairs to her bedroom. Anders moved to follow her and reached out to her.

"Please, love, come with me. I know I may never be able to make this up to you, but let me use the time I have left to try." He pleaded with her with every ounce of softness he could coax from his voice. Her hand felt limp in his, and her eyebrows turned up to form an expression of sorrow.

"What happened here tonight did more than ignite a war. It undid all the good I put into this city. It made me realize that no matter how much I love the man inside you, the spirit controlling him will never make room for me. Today I lost Anders and today I lost the life I hoped to build for the two of us."

She slipped her hand away from his and continued up the stairs. Anders paused on the stairs. He ran up to her and turned her around.

"But what life was that going to be?! Running from the will of the Templars? The Chantry? Denying what we were born to be?" She saw the desperation in his eyes. Still he tried to convince her they weren't free…that they could not have been happy with how things were.

"No mage in this city were as free as us. We were publicly known as mages. We had a home all knew about. Every diplomat and citizen was aware of us and none came to take us to the tower, or impose the "Will of the Maker". We walked the streets as a respected healer and protector of the people. We came home every night to a warm bed and embrace. And you are telling me that we weren't free?" Hawke was getting angry very fast. She brought her arms up and roughly pushed his hand off of her.

She pointed her index finger at his chest and poked him roughly. "You didn't merely set the course for war, but you made me a target, and you took away my choice to stay out of this! As a mage I have only one side to choose. As a well known, and very powerful mage you have signed my own death warrant, you son of a bitch! I don't know how long I will be able to stay here before I need to run! I lost one home and now I'm going to lose this one!"

"Mercia, no, I never intended on putting you in more danger than necessary. I know you are strong and strong enough to survive just about anything. But your selfishness surprises me. You would place your own happiness before that of all the mages in the Free Marches?"

She was never going to get it through to him.

"No, I would have put OUR happiness before theirs. I'm not Andraste and I never claimed to be. Get your things and get out." Anders relented and his shoulders sank in his frame.

"I should have known we would never see eye to eye on this matter. We never have. I had only hoped you would stand by me every step of the way through this. I hoped you would see that this was greater than ourselves. Greater than what we shared."

"I did stand by you every step of the way. And I stepped in to save your life when I didn't have to. I only hope that with the life you now have, that you will find a way to make things right. If you don't, my greatest regret will be that I didn't put a knife in your heart myself…." Her sorrow now matched his. She felt she was making the wrong choice, but she loved him still. She could not end his life, no matter his crime. But she could and would let him go.

"I told you I'd hurt you, I only wish…"

Hawke turned from him again and looked back at him for the last time.

"Get out before I set you on fire, fool."

Hawke didn't know when Anders left, but she felt the absence of him in her very bones. Baron stayed close to her all evening, and even woke to scare off a few looters who returned to clean out the rest of her home. She clung to his thick, coarsely furred body and slept for what only felt like moment. She heard knocking at her door and voices calling out to her.

"You there, Hawke!?" she heard Varric call out.

"Maybe she left with Anders. She loves him so," she heard Merril reply as she opened her front door.

They both looked at her with a little surprise and relief. Hawke stepped aside to let them in.

"We came to see if you were still here. I would have thought you'd have ridden off into the sunset with Anders, or something equally romantic and exciting."

Hawke shrugged her shoulders, "Sorry I can't fulfill your requirement for a love story. Anders is gone. I asked him to leave."

Varric raised his eyebrows in surprise. That was not what he expected to hear from her. Merril seemed confused and paced across her carpet in a quick manner.

"Asked him to leave? You are going to meet up with him soon, yes? Or do you have some other plan?"

"No plan, Merril. Simply put, I'm a single lady. I doubt we will see him again." Hawke began flipping over furniture, and absentmindedly picking up the mess in her entry way. She stopped laughed at herself in surprise. "I even threatened to set him on fire."

"Wow, Hawke. I knew you were a tough cookie, but I never thought you'd kick Blondie to the curb like that. That must have not been an easy choice."

Hawke seated herself in a chair that she flipped over. She could hardly believe she'd just woken up, she was still so exhausted. "Actually it was an extremely easy choice to make. That's not to say it doesn't hurt like hell."

Merril bent down behind Hawke and gave her a gentle hug. "I know you did what you thought was best. You always do the right thing. "

Varric nodded, "We're still behind you, Hawke. Every step of the way. Any idea what you want to do next about this mess we've gotten ourselves into?"

"I'm going to reopen Ander's clinic. That's the example of mages he should have stuck with. I'm going to continue it. More than ever the people of Kirkwall need a good mage. They need a healer, not a protector at this moment. I'm sure Ser Cullen won't give me any trouble."

He agreed, "Good idea. We can called it "The Idiot Healer, in Anders' honor."

Mercia furrowed her brows and then smirked at her friend. "Or we can call it, "The Toothless Dwarf."

"Too soon to joke, got it." Varric laughed nervously.


End file.
